Thursday, 14 April 2011
It's never been a secret that I'm always battling nerves. I am not confident at all, I don't like doing anything on my own. I will avoid it at all costs, things like phoning the doctors, doing some printing, going swimming. If I am with someone though, it is fine. I don't mind if I have someone by my side (unless it involves phone conversations, in which case I would make them do it!) But I have come to the realisation that this all has to change. I'm going to have to start being independant and I'm going to have to get over these nerves. Whenever I have something coming up, like that presentation, or an interview, the night before, I am ready to go. I think to myself how I can do it, and it's not a big deal. Even with little things, like doing something on my own, going to a store and having to speak to someone about a problem or something, well when it comes to the actual event? I bail. Completely. I find some kind of excuse not to do it, or go back when someone else is with me. It's ridiculous really. I don't show confidence at all, my shoulders are slumped and my hair usually hides my face or I look down when I walk. I don't like doing things on my own. Yet, I love my own company. It's not like I have to be around people all the time. Infact, I hate that. I have to have my alone time. I work better by myself and I prefer time on my own. So I don't understand why I always need someone to hold my hand when it comes to doing stuff out and about. I cant even get coffee by myself. I can't shop properly by myself because I feel awkward and as if everyone is watching me. I wish I wasn't plagued by nerves.
Something needs to change.
I am fed up of this ruling my life. Why can't I do it myself? I mean, it's not really scary. It's not going to kill me for goodness sake, so I don't know why I get so nervous!
Like I mentioned before, in my future career, I will be meeting new people, having skype conferences, talking to clients on the phone. That scares the bejesus outta me! I have to change. I won't be able to get anywhere in life if all I do is stand by the wall and try and not get people to notice me.
So, I'm going to change. I am going to fake it. I'm going to try and do things out of my comfort zone. I have to stop putting off the jobs that I don't want to do, and just do them.
I am going to document my little 'journey' to becoming confident on my blog. It may seem silly to you, the little things that I would be doing that seem like such a big deal to me, when maybe some of you wouldn't bat an eyelid doing it. But I want to put this out there so I don't back out. If its published, I can't keep pretending I can put it off. I know things have to change, and now everyone else does to.
So please support me on this little journey of mine :) I hope to grow as a person, become confident and be able to do things on my own without any problems at all.
Tomorrow I have to go to the Apple Shop by myself to get my Ipod fixed. Doing this on my own really scares me. I dont like the unknown. What do I say, where do I go, who do I speak to?
Then I have to drive to B&Q (a job I have been putting off for weeks because I wanted to go with someone) and buy some lining paper.
How silly does that sound? But it scares me doing this by myself. You can laugh if you want, I think it does sound pretty ridiculous, these stupid things I can't do on my own.
But maybe, you might have some tips for me? Or maybe you do the same thing, and get other people to do it for you. So please leave some comments for me about being confident. Your comments on the nerves post was so so helpful.
I think all I have to do, is act confident. Put my head up and just pretend I know what I'm doing. Wish me luck! Katie xoxo