I wasn't sure whether to write this post. Not because I didn't want to share it, but just because, well, how do I even start to describe 2011?
It's been a good and bad year. I would say more downs than ups, so I'll get those out of the way.
2011 has been a BIG year. For the most part, I was sad. I can't really explain why, but I expect it was because I had no idea who I was. I haven't been solid in my faith with God for a long while but around February/March time was the big crash. I decided I wasn't Christian anymore. Having been brought up as one, and being pretty confident with my relationship with God before I went to uni, it was a... shock I guess. I knew it was coming, but once I had actually made that big decision of not calling myself a christian anymore, it was kind of like I was in mourning. My faith was a big part of my life, I used to be so proud of it and then it had just vanished. It was probably a year before hand that I knew something was up but after a year of hearing nothing I guess I just moved on. Actually, even now, writing this I'm not too sure. It was such a big element of life that I don't think I can let go that easily. We'll see what happens. But anyway, 2011 was pretty rough. Thank goodness I had fallen in love! February was amazing. I began a new relationship with my best friend and I am so happy with him. I can't thank him enough for putting up with me! I cried a lot in 2011 and it was nice to have someone to hug and tell me things were going to be okay. Graham, I cannot thank you enough.
2011 was a big year for my confidence too. First off, I decided to do something about it. My boyfriend helped a huge amount and I could start looking people in the eye and step out of my comfort zone that little bit more. I think 2011 has started off a good relationship with me and my confidence. I can't wait to see it grow even more. In September, I took a huge step out of my comfort zone and spoke to a professional who knew a bit more about self confidence although after a few weeks, I decided it wasn't for me. I'm pretty proud I tried though, and it's good to know that I had all the techniques and ability to do it myself. September also meant the beginning of my third year at uni. Not much to say about that, except I really need to do some work!
One thing I have realised in the past few months, is that I really need to work on my self esteem. This is a goal for the new year that needs to be worked on and I'll post my resolutions next week.
I'm looking forward to 2012, but I am so scared! I have realised I seriously need a kick up the backside, there is so much I want to accomplish but if I keep going at the rate I am (and getting sucked in to the internet all day doing nothing productive whatsoever) then nothing will happen. And good things comes to those who work hard. I think that shall be my motto for 2012.
So long 2011, onwards and upwards!