Sunday, 30 December 2012

A New Year



It's that time of year again when I sum up what's happened. I just read last years post and it made me a little sad.

Yes, 2012 was good to me, but in different ways. I wasn't as sad as I was in 2011, I moved on from my faith and new things started happening more frequently. I finished university, I moved out of my family home and in with my boyfriend, I became independent. I started a new job, bought a new car. All these new and exciting things but I look back on the year and hardly remember it. How has it gone by so fast? The things I've just written sound so big and important and exciting. It's a milestone year, that's for sure. The reason last years post made me sad is because of one of last sentences that I wrote. It was to be my motto. 'Good things come to those who work hard.' I suppose, in all honesty, there really is no reason for me to be sad when I read that. My hard work at university paid off and I got a first class degree, my hard work at saving bought me a new car and my eagerness after university got me my first design job. The reason I feel sad though, coming out of 2012 and into the new year, is that I don't really think it paid off. I haven't written on my blog about this before, but I suppose now is as good a time as any. And there was no reason why I didn't write it down, except that I think I felt embarrassed and upset. I was screwed around by this new job that I got straight out of uni. They had promised me a full time position but by the time I had chased them up, it had changed to three days a week. That's fine, I said, I kept my other part time job (in retail) and I could pay rent in my new flat and everything would work out. Then they dropped my hours again, and finally, in November, they dropped me completely. I was laid off.

It wasn't a shock. I wasn't stupid and I saw it coming. The work wasn't coming in and the business wasn't doing well. But you never expect that sort of luck, in the end. I was so excited back in June. Everything was working out as planned. It was like the little dream you had when you were young. That you'd meet your partner in university, move out together once you finished and get great jobs in the big wide world. You'd make good money, eventually put down a deposit on a house, start a family and grow old together. Naive of me, absolutely. But still, it was a dream after all  And part of it was true, I did meet my boyfriend at university and the plans were made that we would move in together.

But life isn't like that, not really. And I come out of 2012 feeling a little conned. I worked hard, and the job didn't work out like I thought. I've been going to countless interviews since I finished university and keep getting turned away because they've found someone with more experience. I don't feel like the good things have come. And I do feel like I've worked hard. I'm not being big-headed when I say that, but I didn't imagine life after uni to be like this. A constant battle to make rent, the struggle at picking up overtime at my retail job and the constant stress in doing both these things. Sure, you always hear about graduates struggling. I wasn't silly, but when I got this job, I thought I'd been the one who slipped through the net and made it. Alas, I wasn't, and I move into 2013 with an uncertain future.

I don't want this post to be a downer. I made the best decision of my entire life, moving out of my parent's home. I now live in my own flat with my partner, where I can cook our dinner and do our washing and be completely independent. I am happy here. I am always being told that things will get better. That I will find the perfect job soon, and that everything will work out. I don't doubt this, but I do hope it happens soon! I opened a fortune cookie in September, and it said 'Prosperity will knock on your door soon.' I don't know how long soon is, but I'll be waiting for it.

And so, I will go into 2013 full of hope, anticipation and open arms. I won't let my heart be heavy, I am thankful of my flat, of my love, and my life. Let's do this.

9 comments

  1. Katie this is such a lovely post, as even though you have struggled that set back it's still positive about what the future holds. I'm graduating this year and I am so scared about what the future holds for me, so this has kind of given me a wake up call to believing that I'll also be slipping through the net nice and easily. It's nice to see that even though you've had such a horrible set back you can still take something from it and hope for better in the future - and I wish you all the luck in the world (: xx

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  2. Hey there! You just followed me on Twitter. Thank you. I saw you tweeted about posting a "deep" blog post, I had to check it out, since "deep" is my kinda thing. First of all congrats on putting your feelings and thoughts out there. That's awesome. I also wanted to mention something. You are an illustrator, right? A creative career is full of ups and downs. The company you worked hard for may have strung you along, and that's not nice or honest. I would say it would be best if you didn't expect them to be. I don't think this is cynical or pessimistic, it's just realistic. Their job is to look after their bottom line. Designers and illustrators are often unappreciated, and seen as replaceable within companies. I learned this the hard way. Now I am concentrating on building my own client base. I am the company. The cool thing about you is that you are only 20 and you have a blog! Imagine what could happen in a few years if you create something of your own and build a fan base? No one could ever lay you off again. I used to think hard work meant something too. But I learned everyone is working hard. The people that succeed are working hard on the right projects, projects that build, and become something sustainable. One can't always know what these are in advance, it's a leap of faith. Anyway, that's the end of my ramble. Wishing you the best in all you do!

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  3. Aw, what an honest and raw post and so telling too. Reminding me of one of the reasons I 'created' my own work. Gosh, it's tough, but luckily I love it. You have some really positive things going on too by the sound of it which is great. If I could recommend you a couple of good reads, I would highly suggest reading The Cosmic Ordering Service and Seth Godin's The Icarus Deception - and particularly this last one relates 100% to what you're saying - they are both amazing and depending on how open you are to things they might help :) rock on 2013,

    Amelia.x

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  4. I feel like I am hitting my head against a brick wall, like all those dreams I dreamed of didn't come true. And everyone else's did.
    I have struggled so much this year - and it's only these past few weeks that I've finally found the courage to admit it.
    I know 2013 has to signal change and I am going to keep fighting for my chance, my opportunity, my dream xxx

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  5. Katie this was a wonderful post. I always feel like this towards the end of the year when look at my past resolutions and hopes for the year, but life never turns out that way. Halfway through the year I had a bit of a bad run with nothing going the way I had planned, I luckily had my family around me at the time and things did eventually get better.
    I think that what really pulled me through everything this year, having people who really believe in and care about you. I wish you all the best for 2013. I'm sure it will go so much better for you, just keep fighting for the good stuff! :) xoxo

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  6. good things come to those who wait, promise :)

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  7. I know exactly how you feel about the job. I was offered a graduate role in September by an 'international corporate PR firm' who claimed to work with clients all over the world and who made themselves out to be a highly successful and professional agency. As all my work was from home I never met any of them, but as it happens the whole business was made up of dodgy people who had no idea what they were doing and constantly lied to me and their clients and ended up in a whole lot of trouble. The company had to cease trading and I lost my job just a week before Christmas. I was paid for a few months and it's given me a little experience, but I feel really stupid and embarassed for how I let myself get so excited about something that was far too good to be true. I think I've built up a good enough relationship with one company to start off freelance in the New Year, but I don't have a steady income anymore and now I can't afford to move in with my boyfriend and do some travelling as I had planned. Sorry for the ramble, but I still believe that good things come to those who work hard, so keep on doing what you're doing and good luck for 2013! :)

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  8. Hi. Just stopping by to say thanksfor following my blog, however I have moved to a new url and am going to start deleting this one over the next couple of months. Feel free to stop by the New Blog at The Anchored Ivy.
    Thanks, and Happy New Year

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  9. Hi, I'm new to your blog but I just wanted to say how true this post rang for me as well. And on days like today when I get down from not hearing back about a job or thinking about how much I would give to have any steady job that challenges and excites me rather than the two part-time ones I have now, I just remind myself that everything will work out in the end. It has to. Stay strong :]

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